When life feels beige and everyone else’s is in technicolour

 

Does your life ever feel ‘beige’? I know that, I for one, am guilty of always comparing my life to the lives of those around me. Facebook/Instagram/Tumblr etc etc have so much to answer for when it comes to making others feel like their lives are ‘not as good as’ other peoples. I have a friend who’s living the dream in the Rockies in Canada. I have another friend who’s living in Dubai and travelling the world as an air hostess. I have another friend who’s travelled in Thailand, India, Canada, America, Italy, Croatia – the list goes on. I have another friend who travelled in Australia for a whole month.

When I go on my Facebook and see their posts it’s almost impossible for me to look at their lives and think ‘my life is so normal and boring’. This has been especially hard for me as of late as I am getting married in a few weeks. I have this awful feeling hanging over me that getting married young and settling down is boring – I’ve been told over and over again that I’m settling and that I should be travelling the world and doing great things – not getting married.

Here’s the thing though – I can’t wait to marry my best friend. I can’t wait to go on amazing adventures WITH him. I can’t wait to journey through our lives TOGETHER. I have traveled to Germany, Portugal, Norway, Romania, Ukraine, Hungary, The Czech Republic, Lavtvia. I’m going to Miami, FL and New York in a few weeks. I’m going to Slovenia and Germany and Poland within the next 12 months. I have tasted different cultures and just because I choose to live where I come from in Ireland doesn’t mean that I’ve ‘settled’. Just because I don’t have an amazing job in an amazing country doesn’t mean I’m not making a difference. I’m doing a PhD in something I’m so passionate about and I have the opportunity to influence local young people’s lives through the youth work in church I’m involved with.

I finally get to move in with my fiance, best friend, true love and soulmate. We get to start our lives together. We get to work for God together.

I can’t wait. I need to stop comparing my life to the lives of others because God has given me MY life and no one else’s. He has a plan for ME and I need to stop insulting my Father God by allowing evil thoughts of jealousy and comparison to creep into my mind and be SO thankful for all the amazing things he has done in my life. He’s brought me from an insecure, miserable, hurting, confused and destructive teenager to a strong young woman who longs to live for him.

I have so much to be thankful for. Father, forgive me for my selfish thoughts. Thank you for the amazing life you’ve provided me with.

Proverbs 14:30

A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.

Even blogging this today has set me free. I’ve been told my many women, men, young and old about how social media platforms lead them to feel insignificant and not good enough. We need to recognise and be vigilant about the rose-tinted view people portray of their live’s on social media. I’m sure my feed is the same – full of wedding chat and loving my PhD when in reality I’m struggling with a lot of things right now. That’s the side that you don’t see on social media and that is dangerous.

I challenge myself and all of you to transparent in your lives. Admit your struggles. Honesty is key in the Christian community and it is all too common for us to paint on a happy face at all times – especially on a Sunday instead of journeying the hard stuff together. If you’ve experienced anything similar to me I’d love to hear about it in the comments.😘

With love,

L xo

Just when you think you know what is in your plan…

If I’m honest I’ve started this blog post with no idea where I’m going with it. Lately I’ve been struggling with the idea of God’s plan for me. I thought I knew what it was but I’m on the cusp of my life right now and I feel totally lost. I graduate (all being well) from Pharmacy School in 3 months and I’ve kind of decided that I don’t want to be a pharmacist anymore – PANIC STATIONS. I’ve spent the hardest 4 years of my life studying this degree and now I don’t want to do it anymore? What’s that all about God? I can’t tell whether this is just cold feet as I qualify so soon and I don’t feel ready for the responsibility or whether this feeling of dread I have is God telling me that it’s not his plan for me. But if it’s not God’s plan for me then why did He let me spend 4 years and almost £30,000 (approx. $50,000) doing this training? On top of all this worry and confusion, my boyfriend has been called to the ministry. I totally support him in this, but me? A ministers wife? I feel so unbelievably overwhelmed by all this that I can’t even sleep at night. I feel like my life is just about to start and it’s scary, and totally out of my comfort zone. I don’t feel WORTHY to be a minister’s wife. What if I’m totally horrible at it? What if the congregation don’t like me? What if they realise that I’m not up to the job.

There is so much uncertainty in my life right now. My boyfriend always wanted to work for the church as a Youth Leader and I always wanted to be a Pharmacist. We had our perfect little life planned out and now BAM. It’s being turned upside down.

I have to trust that God’s in control. I KNOW and BELIEVE that God’s in control. I’m holding onto that belief so tightly right now because I feel like I’ve had the rug pulled straight out from beneath me. I don’t feel good enough but God if it is your plan for my life to be a minister’s wife then I gracefully accept that, I surrender to your will and I pray that you equip me daily for the task. I pray that you reveal to me where my career will be. What is the reason for my sudden change of heart? Are you closing this door to open a new one? Is this just fear leading me astray? Please, Jesus, I pray for clarity and relief from the anxiety I am living with at the minute. I have total faith that you will bring us out the other side of this tough, confusing time in our lives.

Fellow bloggers, if you would please pray. I would appreciate it so greatly. And any words of advice from anyone who feels they know what I am going through – I would have such gratitude for you sharing with me.

Love,

L xx

Prayer needed.

Hey guys;

This is just a quick post to ask you all to please pray for my boyfriend’s dad. He had a heart attack yesterday and he is only 56. His life is not in any danger but he is being transferred to another hospital tomorrow for tests and to see whether he needs surgery to have a stent put in. Please pray for his fast recovery. Pray that God will guide the hearts, minds and hands of the doctors tomorrow. Also pray for his wife (my other half’s mom) that God will support her and that she won’t feel overwhelmed. Pray for my boyfriend too. He is in the middle of his exams so pray that God will relieve his worries and help him to focus.

Thanks in advance guys.

L xx

I will be STILL and know YOU are GOD

Tonight must be the first night that I haven’t finished my day by wishing my boyfriend goodnight via text or call before bed in at least 3 years. Every night I text him to tell him I love him and say goodnight. Not tonight though! He is off camping with his friend (with whom he has a major bromance). I am delighted that they have got the chance to get away; they could both use a break and a chance to really talk and have fellowship with each other.

I feel really empty tonight though that I can’t text my boyfriend before bed. It’s something I’ve done every night since even before we were dating (we were best friends first) so probably for about 5 years.

This has really got me thinking though. For the duration of that 5 years I have been a Christian and loved God. But do I feel this yearning for God when I don’t speak to Him everyday? It’s made me really think about how I need to put more effort into spending time with God each day. I work 45hour weeks at the moment in a pharmacy and it really is exhausting. When I get home I just want to curl up in a ball with my other half and chill.

For me, hanging out with Jesus is the ultimate peace and relaxation so why don’t I turn to him in these times when I’m exhausted? I want my time with Jesus to become so a central in my life so that I feel as empty as I do tonight about not talking to my boyfriend when I miss my intimate time with Jesus.

Lord Jesus I pray that you help me keep this fire within me burning brightly for you. I want You to be the centre of my life and the centre of my relationship.